Butt Crack Show


Kids today think they are the first to do everything. Wrong, we were wearing our jeans so low that our butt cracks showed through our t-shirts way back in 1956! That’s right, sonny – before you were even a gleam in your daddy’s eye we were pissing off our teachers, ministers and parents big time. There was nothing better than swaggering down the school halls showing off our butt cracks while on our way to the principal’s office and detention for doing so.

In those days we were little hoodlums and gangsters before anyone even heard of rap music. We had ducktails dripping with pomade in the hot southern California sun, Elvis was king, and cars were made of real steel instead of plastic. We didn’t need cell phones, IPods or three-dimensional TVs. We had 45 rpm records and transistor radios that worked just fine.

We got high on life, girls and surfing. We had no idea what pot was, let alone any other kind of drugs. The biggest sin was to steal the small tequila bottles from our parents’ liquor cabinet and sit out behind the barn choking on cigarette smoke while gagging on the illicit hooch. We weren’t really bad kids, we just wanted people to think we were, which they didn’t, and that’s why they all laughed behind our butt cracks.

I remember my dad always catching my brother and me doing naughty stuff (sometimes before we even had a chance to do it). Later in life I asked him how he always knew what we were up to. His answer is as good today as it was then. “Boys, you can’t do anything that I haven’t already done when I was your age.”

So listen up, wanna be bad asses; showing off your butt cracks is not original in the slightest. Why don’t you try to come up with something that hasn’t been done a zillion times before. Another thing, it wasn’t cool then and it sure isn’t cool now. Oh, by the way, people are sneering behind your behinds. How does it feel to be number two? “Ugly is as ugly does….”

Write on,




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