A Day in My Life


It’s Thursday; do you know where your ass is? Yes, the donkey next door got out again and I spent a couple of hours proving yet again that man is not as smart as he thinks he is while trying to catch the Equus africanus asinus. I used every trick in the book including enticing Jenny with carrots, grapes, apples and other really yummy goodies. She would stay just far enough away from me so that it was impossible to get a halter on her but she always managed to eat the goodies I left on the ground while I went into the house for another treat.

Of course this only happens when her owners are away. When they are home, Jenny asinus behaves like an angel. I have watched them feed her grain and only one carrot because they don’t want to spoil her. The minute they leave, Jenny finds a way to get into my yard and the process of spoiling begins.

This time while I was begging Jenny to let me get a halter on her, a boy from down the street stopped to watch the action and said, “Mittster, why don’t you just lasso Jenny? She is close enough for even me to rope her.” I replied, “Shouldn’t you be in school or something?” I hate Arizona kids; they learn to rope before they stop pooping in their diapers!

The kid went into the shed, got a rope and lassoed Jenny, handed me the rope and went on walking down the road laughing like kids do when they have made a grownup look really, really stupid. I know Billie will spread the news all over the block about today’s episode, so I might as well get a sign that says, Home of Mittster – Homo sapiens asinus and hang it on the front door.

As I was leading Jenny back to her pasture, her owner drove up in his driveway, got out and asked what I was doing with Jenny. “On, nothing much,” I replied. “We just went for a walk and were discussing the current situation of politics in America. What the hell do you think I am doing with her? She got our again and I am trying to return her to where she should be and not in my yard!” “Don’t get your shorts in a bunch, Mitt; it’s just the first time I have ever seen you bring Jenny back; I always have had to get her myself. Did you finally learn how to rope her?” the neighbor said while laughing much like the kid earlier.

I handed to rope to Phil, turned and walked toward my shed to start making the sign. In the distance I heard Jenny baying like donkeys do, which sounds like laughter and can be heard for miles. Crap, now the whole town knows and you can rest assured that the episode will be in the weekly local paper and be the talk of the town. Such is the way of life in Camp Verde, Arizona.

I’m just saying,




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