News Flash: Gravity is not real! According to scientist Dr. Mittster (who lives in Camp Verde, Arizona), Newton had it all wrong. “If an ant were hanging upside down on the bottom of an apple when it left the tree, he (the ant) would appear to be shooting up, not falling down.” As with all scientific hypotheses, the theory must be tested under strict conditions and verified by more than one source, which was the case with Dr. Mittster’s theory.
The scientific community is “up in arms” claiming the testing was not done by members of the Science Academy and therefore null and void. “Oh, contraire,” says Dr. Mittster. “My theory that gravity is a myth has been tested by no less than four PhDs living in Arizona. The fact that the tests did not take place at some federal government loony bin is a moot point.”
Four PhDs (including Dr. Mittster) performed the following test to prove that gravity is a myth. Dr. Julie volunteered to be the subject and was strapped under a large round water tank suspended from a large crane boom 1,500 feet in the air with her back facing the ground. Dr. Hoppy (the electronic expert of the group) outfitted Dr. Julie with a two-way instant radio, high-speed camera, GPS and a YouTube connection so that the experiment could be viewed by millions of people worldwide.
Dr. Jay was assigned ground control duties in the event something went wrong during the experiment and the abort switch needed to be activated. Convinced that the experiment would prove once and for all that gravity is a myth, the experiment was performed over a large concrete slab, six inches thick and the size of a basketball court.
The tension was palatable as Dr. Mittster gave the signal for the crane operator to release the tank. Because Dr. Julie was trying to talk and scream at the same time, only the following live audio was discernible. “Yes, I feel like I am going up instead of down. God, I don’t want to die!” just as the tank hit the concrete and the three remaining PhDs smiled, knowing the theory was proven beyond a shadow of a doubt.
The news media is having a field day with the fact that the three remaining participants in the experiment only have PhDs from the school of hard knocks. Late night TV host, Jay Leno, is expounding on the fact that it was certainly true with Dr. Julie! David Letterman hit upon a very interesting point on his program. He sees a parallel between government deficit spending and the experiment. He was quoted as saying, “While the euphoria of spending deficit money is like soaring upward with golden wings, the downside is quite messy.”
While it appears the remaining self-taught scientists will be spending some time at the mental hospital, there is no doubt that they will return to riding their Harley-Davidsons sometime in the future. One thing is for sure; it won’t be the same without Julie.
I’m just saying,