One Father’s Wish

You know if I wanted to, I could say that my biological father used to treat my brother and me horribly and would swing us on top of doors because we were scared to death of heights. He was an Army Air Corps pilot and wanted us to be pilots too. He died in WWII, and that also caused horrible trauma to my brother and me. We loved and hated him all at the same time.

I could also say that in the early years after our father died, our stepfather treated us like slaves and we were so afraid of him we would hide in the bedroom closet. He would force us to eat oatmeal; and if we gagged, he would pop us in the back of the head with his knuckles causing extreme pain. Mealtime was always a scary time. In fact, the only time we were not scared as children was when he was at work. Our mother handled all this with large amounts of alcohol, which infuriated our stepfather and they would have horrible fights that also scared us senseless. She would fight him so he would let up on us. It was like a snake eating its own tail. The next day it would start all over again.

Yup, I have heard every excuse under the sun for how we turn out as adults, but in the final analysis we are all responsible for our own lives and how we decide to live them. I stopped blaming my father and my stepfather for the way I was living my life. My stepfather finally realized that he was treating us just like he was treated by his mother after his dad died when he was young and his mother starting ruling with an iron hand. The realization turned him into the best dad anyone could hope for. He died in 1980 before I had a chance to tell him how much I loved him because of the changes, even though I had long since become an adult.

I finally looked into the mirror and pointed my finger at the real culprit…me. It was hard to let go of the easy way out for all my wrong doings. I blamed other people, places and events for my dismal life, while in fact I had always known what was right and what was wrong. While my childhood days were not always the most pleasant, my parents instilled in me the difference between right and wrong. In fact, I believe we know the difference at birth – it is called the collective consciousness. We all know the difference between right and wrong from the very beginning.

I say these things without malice to my children who are now adults living their own lives. It is true that I was not the best dad and in some instances no dad at all. I am sorry for that, but now that my time on Earth is short, I must prepare for my departure. I have no time for hurtful things that are long past or hate that only destroys the vessel it is contained in. I must live what is left of my life in love and peace. It is with love and peace that I wish all my family happiness and fulfillment.

Let’s spend the rest of our lives in peace and harmony with love for one another. OK?

I’m just asking,

Dad