OMG, I had the most interesting dream last night. At least I think it was a dream. About 2:00 a.m., a bright light appeared over the bed and my puppy, Suzy, and I were beamed up into a UFO. After some rather grotesque experiments, Suzy and I switched bodies and were beamed back to the bed.
I found myself cuddle between two giant humans who were warm and extremely careful not to roll over on me and crush my tiny body. I also sensed two other creatures the same as I in the huge bed. It finally dawned on me that I was now a dog and not a human anymore. The thought was so delightful that I immediately crawled out from under the covers and looked for something, dog or human, to play with.
Funny thing about humans, they don’t like their ears French kissed while they are asleep. As a matter of fact, neither did the two other dogs. The big white dog almost bit my little head off after I did it to him. The other older, fat dog tried to bite me; but with few teeth and slow movements, I was able to dance around him and nip at his fat butt with total glee.
I could sense the humans were not particularly happy about my play antics so early in the morning and pushed me away firmly while the female yelled “No” and the male just barked and fell back to sleep. The female looked at her mate with mild amusement, and thinking he was just trying to be funny barking like that, she got out of bed and grabbed me for the trip outside so I wouldn’t pee on the bed.
After she put me down, I calmly walked over to the house wall, raised up on my back legs while placing my front paws on the wall and took a pee. My Alpha female started screaming for her mate to come outside and see this wondrous event taking place, but he was still in bed, half asleep, trying to lick his privates and scratch his ear – both at the same time.
As the female human opened the screen door to let me back inside, I could smell the unmistakable scent of poop behind the couch with my extremely sensitive nose and I rushed back there to leave a fresh new pile. Oh, what fun being a dog can be!
My owner was calling for me from the kitchen where she was making a cup of tea and I pranced over to her, knowing she would pick me up and place me on the island counter for some tasty snacks. I was not disappointed. As she waiting for the water to boil, she retrieved some chicken from the fridge and started sharing it with me. Life does not get any better than this!
Suddenly, I found myself back in my human body…arched in the most awkward position with my head between my legs and my left hand tearing at my ear. I mumbled, “What the hell!” as I stretched my body out just before the cramps set in. The wife and dogs were not in the bed as I got up and stumbled into the kitchen. I could hear her baby-talking to our puppy Suzy as the other dogs were begging from the floor.
“Why didn’t you wake me up, darling?” I asked wifey. “Oh, you were dead to the world and you missed Suzy doing the most bizarre thing in the yard,” she answered. “I bet it was not half as bizarre as what I found myself doing in bed when I woke up,” I countered. “Would you like some tea, dear?” “Sure, why not? I have a feeling this if going to be one hell of a day!”
I’m just saying,